DEAR ANN LANDERS:
I am writing on behalf of a group of people that get a lot of grief
and too little appreciation for the good we do. We are the second
wives.
Second wives make all the sacrifices that first wives make -- and
many more. Second wives are often called on to raise children they
didn't bring into the world. They also must make sure the support
check gets to the first wife, regardless of the second family's
financial condition. Second wives must stand by silently if the
first wife chooses to spend that money on herself and not on the
kids.
Second wives often delay having children of their own or decide
not to have any at all if the money isn't there. Stepmothers live
with the knowledge that the children they nurture and make sacrifices
for may not be there for them in their later years.
It is a well-known fact that the judicial system in our country
favors first wives with children. Mothers have the government on
their side.
I have genuine sympathy for the first wives who are struggling
with deadbeat fathers. They get a very raw deal. However, there
are plenty of first wives who have remarried and have excellent
jobs, yet they still squeeze their former husbands for as much money
as they can get. Any words of encouragement, Ann? We can use some
backing. -- S.R.,
Charlotte, N.C.
Dear Charlotte:
You have made a lot of good points, but every second wife should
be aware that she is marrying a man with a history. Often, that
history takes precedence and will continue to be his first priority
as long as he lives. If the second wife is wise, she will be aware
of this and not attempt to discourage his loyalty to his first family.
He will admire her generosity of spirit and love her for it.
The second wife is a genuine heroine if she can handle all the
baggage gracefully. But if the guy truly loves her and lets her
know it, it's well worth the effort. Washington Post Thursday,
January 29, 1998.
I am quite confident that Charlotte did not get any words of encouragement
from Ann Landers. More like condemnation and guilt.
