Guidelines for the Stepparent

Accept being a stepparent: A stepparent cannot replace the natural parent and attempting to do so creates more confusion and resentment.

Take an appropriate role by assuming a caring, non competitive place in the family.

Accept the mate's ex-spouse: Each mate brings into the marriage a history of past relationships which cannot be erased.

With children, communication with ex-spouses can be important in arranging schedules, discussing resources, and making parental decisions.

Allow children time with the absent parent, unless there are significant reasons to do otherwise. The child's desire to be with, and love, the separated parent is important even though it can be threatening to the stepparent. Being pressured to choose between parent and stepparent creates loyalty conflicts for children.

Develop patient discipline: The stepparent is often more critical of the child's behaviour than the natural parent. If a foundation of caring is not first established, discipline will be viewed as punitive and unfair.

Arrange family meetings: Open communication is needed within the family experiencing new demands and adjustments. The periodic family meeting to hash over feelings serves as an appropriate way for problem solving.