Firstly may I say that any comments I make here are not meant to offend, but are simply my personal beliefs.
I created this page because in my time, I have come across some beautiful poems and thoughts which have inspired me in good times and in bad.
I am not a religious person, that is I do not attend any particular church, and I know this might upset some of you; so please do not send email trying to persuade me otherwise.
As a young girl and into my teenage years, my parents felt my siblings and I needed religious instruction. We attended numerous faiths such as the Catholic Church, Church of England, and the Mormon Church. Please do not in any way think that I am attacking these religions, because I am not. My dearly loved (recently departed) Grandmother was a devout Catholic and my Parents and Grandfather also attend church.
In my later teenage years I came to believe in "not believing in God" due mainly to what I thought was the hypocrisy of many of those who said they believed in God. I had so many questions that just could not be answered. The television blasted me with images of war, vengeance and destruction from all over the world, all being waged in the name of God. People from inside and outside my family and workplace, all claimed to be religious and yet could not seem to practice the basic commands of all religions. The Catholic Church teaches the Ten Commandments. Indeed all religions that believe in one God seem to have similar commandments (although they may be worded differently). Even most of the religions of India and Asia such as the Moslem, Hindu and Buddhism religions believe in similar teachings. And yet there is so much hatred and war all in the name of God.
In my early thirties, due to no particular reason - just a feeling and perhaps a yearning for a belief in some higher destiny, I came to accept the existence of God. Let me make myself clear here. I BELIEVE IN GOD, not in Religion. I believe that all persons on this beautiful world of ours have the right to believe in God and express their belief in whatever manner or through whatever religion they choose, just don't preach your particular religion to me.
Well why am I telling you all this????
I need to express my gratitude and love for God after helping me through a very difficult period in my life. Mind you there are still many hurdles to jump and most probably even more to come over the years. Some of the poems on the Thoughts and Poems page have only been recently collected. My faith in God and the inspiration gained from these poems have helped me and I hope they will help you.
Since my acceptance of God, I quite often talk to him (some of you might think this sounds a little mad). He never talks back to me, but I know he is part of my life because he has bought an inner peace into it. I am not saying that there are no troubles in my life - my family sometimes drive me mad and I could do with a few less problems at work, but there is this underlying feeling of love and ability to cope that I never seemed to have before.
It is all too easy to ask God for things that, in the big picture, really do not mean a lot, for example to win the lottery or to get that job you just applied for. I sometimes slip and find myself asking for such trivialities and then quickly say, "No Lord, don't worry about that, it's not important, wait for the time when I really need your help".
I know he is in my life because of some recent events that I want to share with you.
My Grandfather recently had what he called "a turn", but was actually a heart attack. Within a week of entering the hospital he was on the operating table having a triple bypass. The plan was that the operation would occur on a Monday morning and by late afternoon he should be coming out of the anaesthetic and be awake enough for the family to visit him.
Unfortunately things went amiss. Whilst the heart operation was a great success he suffered multiple strokes. The doctors showed me the brain scan and things looked rather bleak. He had one very large area and many, many smaller areas of the brain that had been affected. By the Thursday of the first week my Grandfather had still not woken up. The doctors were talking to the family as though he might never wake up. They said they would give him ten days to wake up and then would have to re-evaluate the situation. There were suggestions that we start thinking about the possibility of having to let him go.
My sister and I were by his side for at least three hours a day during the first seven days, talking to him, stroking him, and telling him jokes. My husband said thank heavens he was asleep because if he was awake, we would have driven him mad. My Grandfather's Church and my Uncle's Church had prayers being said for my Grandfather. My sister and I both prayed for either God to take our Grandfather quickly, or to help him get better and be able to look after himself (as we knew that he had said he would never want to be an invalid and have to have people caring for him).
By the weekend there were a few encouraging signs that even the doctors were surprised to see. They then started preparing us for the fact that he would most likely be severely impaired due to the brain damage from the multiple strokes.
On the seventh day, exactly one week after the operation he started to wake up. He had tubes all over him and down his throat. His legs and right arm seemed to be moving quite well, but there seemed to be no movement from the left arm. We continued our visual. My sister during the day and myself at night. He seemed to recognise us but could not talk because of the tube down his throat. By the Friday of the second week they had removed the tube from his throat and we could talk to him. He seemed to have some past memories and remembered all of the family although he had forgotten some things. Movement in his legs and right arm seemed to be more laboured and there was still no dramatic movement from the left arm.
By the Sunday of the second week he had been moved into a private room, but was unable to feed himself or move out of bed and that left arm was starting to be a worry.
The private hospital my Grandfather was in was not a rehabilitation hospital and were really only concerned with his general health. They took good care of him but he was not receiving any real physiotherapy.
For a further two weeks we all prayed for God to help our Grandfather to get well. My sister and I continued with our daily visits for up to three hours. We made a point of helping and encouraging him to walk, dress and feed himself. I purchased some balls of different sizes to help build up the strength in his arms and hands. He had to learn these tasks all over again. Every day there was an improvement and by the end of the two weeks we had even got him moving his left arm.
Finally we got him into a Rehabilitation Hospital. My sister and I still continued to encourage him to practice the exercises and ball therapy. He was doing so well that only four days after entering the Rehab Hospital he was allowed to leave on a day outing with the family and again the following week after that. Two and a half weeks later the Rehab. Hospital had done wonders with him and we had a family meeting where the doctors and therapists reported that he is doing so well that he could start weekend home visits with a view to getting him home permanently. Within a month he was permanently discharged from the hospital. There are still some small fine motor problems with his left hand, and this will not improve any more, but if you were to meet my grandfather and sit down and have a meal with him, you most probably would not notice anything untoward. He has some short term memory problems, but this is nothing that he and the family cannot cope with. We all think he is a walking miracle.
There have been some very hard times and much work put into my Grandfather's rehabilitation on the part of my Grandfather, the family and the Hospital. If you had seen the brain scans that I saw or spoken to the doctors in the first two weeks after the operation, you would not believe that in ten short weeks my grandfather came full-turn and is now living on his own, with only a little help from the family. He cannot drive a motor vehicle and now uses the public transport system, but he relishes his independence.
We have all worked hard but I believe that the faith we put in God and prayers said, and with Holy Mary and my Grandmother looking down, thankfully my Grandfather has pulled through.
If you would like to contact me, please email firstname.lastname@example.org.
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Produced by Karen Day
Last updated: 16/06/2000
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